Where Has the Time Gone?

The hardest thing about updating the blog after four months of procrastination is figuring out where to start. But I've been chastised from several quarters for not updating, so here goes:

I'll start with the excuses. We, and most of the family and friends, are now on facebook, so everyone out there gets regular Hannah updates from either me or my Mom. So it's easy to forget that those of you who have not joined the cult of facebook (you should . . . it's easy, safe, and fun) haven't gotten a Hannah update since Easter. Add to that the fact that Hannah is no longer a preemie, and despite the fact that she is the most perfect and wonderful little girl in our eyes, she's really just another baby, no different than all the other babies in your lives.

. . . OK, maybe a little different

Carla and I took a cruise around Canada in late May, from Montreal to Nova Scotia, then to Boston, and we left Hannah at Camp Grandma. We had just enough internet access on the ship to get daily updates and pictures from Mom, so it wasn't too painful to leave Hannah behind for 10 days. Knowing how much fun Hannah, Mom, and Aunt Rena were having kept us from worrying about Hannah, except for the possibility that she might not ever want to go back home with us.

Hannah and her birthday twin Carter at his 2nd birthday party.

Hannah celebrated her second birthday July 15th with two informal parties (not everybody could make it to the first one, so we had another). We got to see a lot of very good friends we hadn't seen in a long time, and even the famous Carter Cates dropped in. We had Carter, Hannah, and Ashley all playing together on the floor together, and I've been waiting a long time for that.

Winding down toward the end of Hannah's birthday party (thanks for taking pics, Sidney (sorry for the nested parens, but I need to point out that I'm referring to Sidney whom I work with, not Sydney who is my mom, so I am not accused of misspelling my own mom's name)).

We went to the Medical Center of Plano NICU reunion this month, and got to see some of Hannah's doctors, nurses, and fellow patients. Not a day goes by that I don't think about all the people responsible for keeping Carla and Hannah alive, and all the little things they did that allowed Hannah to emerge from extreme prematurity unscathed. So those reunions mean a lot to us, even if it's just to let the staff there see how well Hannah's doing, and to say "Thanks for this. You are heroes every day you walk into work. "

Taken at Hannah's 2nd NICU reunion . . . she was ready to get back down and explore.

We've enrolled Hannah in preschool starting in September, for about five hours, two days a week. We're not particularly concerned about the "school" aspect, but just want her to be around other children enough to get socialized. Most of our friends had children a decade or more ago, when they were "supposed to", so Hannah doesn't have many opportunities to socialize. Hannah is always entranced by new environments and people, so she's going to have a great time.

Chillin' on the back porch

Hannah is getting taller, smarter, and cuter every day. She loves to laugh, dance, read, and hug (not necessarily all at the same time, that would be a little creepy). She has lots of words but isn't particularly concerned with pronunciation or sentences yet. There's one word that she uses all the time that we can't figure out. It sounds like "abeeyah". If any of you know what she's talking about, please let us know. I'm pretty sure she's not asking for a beer, but I can't rule out anything she may have learned while Uncle Jon was babysitting.

With Grandma Hall

She's also now aware of what the word "No" means. While she doesn't want me to know she knows, I can see it in her eyes. We're going to have to get rid of the safety gates, because she now considers them a challenge. She'll pretend to not notice them, so you'll drop your guard, and then when you open the gate a few inches to pass through, she'll dart 20 feet from across the room and slide through before you can react, like a prisoner who's been planning her escape for years, waiting for just the right moment. So we'll just bite the bullet and Hannah-proof (i.e.; clean out) a few more rooms, and expand her range.

So, maybe now that I've broken the ice of blog silence, I'll be able to update a little more often. Probably about once a month. But I'd encourage all of you to join facebook . . . you'll likely link up with people you've wanted to get in touch with for years anyway. It's really like having a blog of your own, but it's as easy as checking and sending email. If you need help getting started, or want a quick intro to how it works, just let me know. I'd be glad to help.




I almost forgot . . . Hannah's got a new music video out. Click here to view it directly (best quality) if you don't see a video player box below.

Easter

Karl's mom and sister Rena came to Plano for several days before Easter to visit Hannah, and even Aunt Rosemary got to visit briefly on her way through Plano. Hannah loves visitors, of course, and thrives on the extra attention. She's learning lots of words, though she can only say a fraction of them.

We drove to Shreveport for Easter, and the high point of the trip was a surprise last-minute outing with Carter (Hannah's birthday twin and NICU mate) and his parents. We met up with them at the big Easter Egg Hunt at the Bossier Boardwalk and had lunch afterward. You'd never guess from seeing Carter that he had a complete digestive system transplant before he was a year old and spent most of his first 15 months of life in hospitals. He's a smiley, flirty little boy who loves to dance in his stroller and ham it up for anyone who glances his way. I forgot to bring my camera, but Sean promised me copies of his photos, and I'm sure you'll see some of them here soon.



Hannah has started noticing flowers (wawas) on her shoes, in her books, and got to see lots of real ones up close and personal when Grandma and Grandpa Hall took her to the azalea gardens at Norton Art Gallery in Shreveport.



These pictures were taken just a couple hours before Hannah took a tumble while running across a concrete patio, and broke the fall with her lower lip and nose. Blood everywhere, from a split lip, which was pretty traumatic for mom and dad. It's healed completely now, but for a few days Hannah looked like she had raspberry jam all over her face.



We'll be walking in the March of Dimes "March for Babies" at White Rock Lake in Dallas this weekend, to benefit research aimed at preventing premature births and to helping sick and premature babies. We'll be walking with the Plano NICU Parents team, along with several of the parents and children that passed through the NICU experience with us. If you'd like to donate or just learn more, please click here.





NOTE: I've added a list of Hannah's music video links at the top right corner of this page, primarily because Hannah loves to watch her videos and this makes them easy for us to find in one place whenever she runs toward the computer saying "BAYBEEEE!". But you might want to check them out as well, in case you've missed one or two.

Sleeping Babies

If you had told me two years ago how good it feels just to carry a sleeping baby, I would have tried to believe you, but honestly would not have been able to relate. I'm not sure if it's genetic programming kicking in, or just the momentary relief of not having to entertain, nourish, and run interference for a toddler while they are asleep on your shoulder. Probably a little of both.




Hannah may look innocent standing in my shoes (below), but she quickly proceeded to rip out the gel pads and liners, and I've pretty much given up on gluing them back in until she gets bored with shoe disassembly. Gotta pick your battles.




I put up an outdoor swing (thanks, Troy!) for Hannah a couple weeks ago, and it's her new favorite pasttime. Now that the weather is more amenable and consistent, she's spending more time outside exploring the backyard (when she isn't in the swing). The trick is getting her to come back inside without making her cry.



You might notice a bruise above Hannah's right eye in the two preceding pictures. We were playing chase and she took a corner a little too wide and slammed into a doorjamb with her forehead. She was laughing and squealing as she ran, and for a couple seconds after the impact she was on her back, still laughing. Then she decided that this pain stuff isn't very funny and wailed for a couple minutes.



I'm gathering video clips for Hannah's next movie, but haven't had time to put them together yet. Maybe next week.

I almost forgot . . . here's a shot we got when we left one of the baby gates open during last week's Shuttle launch.

Healing

The first few weeks of our NICU experience, after Steven had passed away and before we had any real sense of how well Hannah was doing, my all-consuming fear was that we would go home empty-handed. There was not, and still isn't, much chance that we could try again. Hannah was our only hope, and nobody could tell us that everything would turn out OK. I am a planner, and had already started thinking about what we would do and how we would try to cope with such devastation, and of course I had no answers.

That made it particularly heart-wrenching to learn, several months after Hannah came home, that some friends of ours had experienced that very scenario, several years ago. I am ashamed to admit that I didn't even know at the time that they were going through such turmoil, though I worked side by side with the father. Our jobs took us down separate paths shortly afterward and we lost touch without ever knowing what they had gone through.

Their daughter slipped away after four months in the NICU, on July 15th of 2002, exactly five years to the day before our Hannah was born. By further coincidence, their daughter's name was Hannah.

In those first few weeks of our NICU stay, I knew that if our Hannah didn't make it, it would take us years to even begin to heal. We started our blog partly as a healing tool, to cope with Steven's loss and potential challenges that Hannah could face. We gained strength from those who followed the blog and propped us up with encouragement and kindness when we needed it most.

So I was glad to hear recently, from our friend Shadan, that she had started a blog to help with her own healing and to help others who have experienced the loss of a NICU baby. If you have a minute, please stop by her web site, at http://shadanferdousi.blogspot.com, and forward the address to anyone you know that might be interested.

Can't Imagine Octuplets

As we scramble to keep Hannah contained, fed, and occupied, I occasionally look around and wonder what it would be like to have 7 more of her running around. I suppose the main difference is that we would just give up any pretense of having a normal life. As it is, the fun of watching Hannah try new things and figure out the obstacles we put in her way more than makes up for not being able to pop out to a movie or take naps on a whim.




Hannah loves books now, and will frequently pick one up and demand that we read it to her. Then she'll climb down and go get another. The text in these books, of course, is extremely inane, and I have a hard time not slipping into a moron voice as I read.



She's climbing on furniture now, and we finally had to move the coffee table out of the living room because she wouldn't stop dancing on it. I suppose there will be time for reasoning with her later, after she knows a few more words.

Now that I think about it, I always sorta liked the taste of wood, too.

Hannah Time!

It's been an eventful month, but not too hectic. We've heard about all the winter weather elsewhere, but it has still been warm enough here most weekends to take Hannah to the park and feed the ducks.

I've been following Hannah around with the camera catching snippets of video here and there, but I made the mistake of showing her the video playback on the camera's display. Now every time she sees the camera, she runs toward it yelling "baybeeee!" and makes me show her baby videos. Clips of her doing that will get boring pretty quick.

But before she caught on, I got enough to put together another Hannah music video. Click the image below or this link to take a look (13MB WMV file).



And for those of you who can't get enough of laughing babies, here are a couple more videos of Hannah laughing at my hand (6MB WMV file) and laughing at ducks (8MB WMV file).

(noticing the wind chimes)

(my brother Bruce made this furniture)

(walking on wood chips at the park)

(digesting a particularly satisfying meal)

Some status updates . . .

Hannah had a round of routine doctor visits last month. She's over 21 pounds, has nine teeth (maybe ten, but I'm getting less brave about putting my finger in her mouth to check), is eating pretty much anything we eat that can be chewed with only nine teeth, and has words for mom, dad, bottle, baby, duck, and probably several others that she thinks we're too stupid to understand. Her eyes checked out fine (preemies are at risk for vision problems), so we probably don't need to go back to the eye doctor. We switched her car seat to face forward, so now she gets to see where she's going, instead of where she's been.

Carla's chorus will be doing singing valentines on (der!) Valentines Day, so if you're in the Dallas area and want a quartet of ladies to serenade someone in glorious four-part harmony, drop us a line. They're a non-profit group, so it doesn't cost any more than flowers, and they're really good.

Karl survived the first (and hopefully the only) round of layoffs at Texas Instruments, but of course many of his colleagues didn't. This is a rough time to be out job-hunting, so that was a pretty depressing week at work.

Our cousin Joni (my dad's brother's son's daughter, who we traveled to Scotland to visit in 2003) gave birth to her first baby girl yesterday. We're pretty excited about that because, having recently joined the club ourselves, we know how much fun she and Mac are going to have.

Carter (Hannah's NICU-mate and birthday twin who got the multi-visceral transplant last May) is doing great, but Avery still needs your thoughts and prayers, as she is back in the hospital with unexplainable fevers and infections. I long for the day that Avery and her parents can spend some relaxed weeks at home.

Hannah's Birthday Twin

I knew there was a reason I've been procrastinating the blog update. I've had some great photos to share, and news tidbits that might be of interest to Hannah's friends, but just haven't gotten around to gathering them up into a coherent post.

Well, tonight we hit a milestone, and it's a doozie, more than worthy of an entry here.

You regulars know about Carter, who was born the same day as Hannah, in the same hospital, and shared the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit with her for the 105 days she was there. Unfortunately, Carter developed complications with his digestive system that kept him in the NICU much longer, then at various other hospitals for the first 15 months of his life. It culminated in an emergency transplant of his entire digestive system at Children's Hospital in Boston in May of this year. I was traveling in Asia at the time, and it was nerve-wracking to watch for updates on Carter's blog from afar, not knowing how things were going for days at a time. It was like being underwater, holding my breath, and every blog update was a break for the surface and a gulp of fresh air.

Carter has had a rough recovery since the transplant in May, but he's back home in Texas, doing extremely well, and getting down to the business of being a little boy instead of a patient. He's still got some tubes to help with breathing and digestion, but as we learned with Hannah, babies are particularly well-positioned to grow out of those aids, since their bodies are busy getting bigger and stronger.

While I was overseas, Carter's mom Chelle happened to mention on their blog an escape they made to Chili's for an actual sit-down meal, one day after I had eaten dinner in a Chili's in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. An odd coincidence.

Well, tonight we sat down for dinner at Chili's in Plano with Carter and his remarkable parents. This was the first time the birthday twins have actually met each other, and the first time we've seen Sean and Chelle since Thanksgiving of last year. After the ordeal that they've lived for the past year and a half, it was inexpressibly gratifying to see them so . . . normal. While most non-NICU parents witnessing our meal might not have described it as relaxed, as we juggled babies and dishes and toys and tubes, wiping down table and highchairs to avoid Respiratory Syncytial Virus, it is a true milestone to just be able to sit down and have dinner like regular folks. I still remember the first visit to a restaurant with Hannah after we left the NICU. After months of nail-biting worry and rushed meals while caring for an infant tethered to machines, an excursion into the real world, even just a meal at a restaurant, was like a dreamy walk through a spring-green park on a cool sunny day.




Sean, Chelle, and Carter all looked so good and so happy, and Hannah had so much fun flirting and smiling and babbling at her new old friends, it was a perfect end to a remarkable year. I hope that next year is a year of recovery for our friends with babies still on the road to good health, because progress for some children comes much more slowly. Our trials with Hannah were nothing compared to what some parents and their children go through, and I think we should all resolve in 2009 to help those little ones who start life with challenges, and the brave parents that stand by their side.




In other news . . .




We spent last week in Bossier and Shreveport for Christmas, and had a great time. Now that we have a walking, talking (OK, babbling), Christmas gift that keeps on giving, every trip into town is a hoot these days. We got a surprise Christmas gift when Hannah's uncle Gabe and cousin Alexander rolled into Rena's (my sister) driveway Christmas morning after a covert 4-day road trip through ice and snow from Utah in their new RV. And, due to the bad economy and Texas Instruments' extended holiday shutdown this year, Aunt Cat (Carla's sister) and Uncle Jon got to spend Christmas with the clan in Bossport, too. All in all, a very merry Christmas and a good start on a happy new year.




Some notes about the previous blog entry:

I noticed after posting that those of you who get blog posts via email ( you can subscribe with the link above) did not see the Elf Dance link, so here it is in case you missed it. And, here's a bonus Elf Dance, if you want more of the same with a retro twist.

Also, for those of you that want to see my sister Melanie's 50th Birthday slideshow but are hesitant or unable to download and run the Windows executable, here's a version out on youtube that should be viewable for anyone with high-speed Internet access.